Herbs for Grief
Grief is a tender teacher: it arrives in waves, often when we least expect it, touching every part of our being—body, mind, and spirit. Whether we’re mourning a personal loss or feeling the collective weight of environmental and political upheaval, grief asks us to slow down and feel. In a world that often moves too fast, grieving can feel out of place and unwelcome, but grieving is one of the most human things we do.
While grieving is never easy, we don’t have to go it alone. There are so many resources that can help us move with our grief (counseling, supportive friendship, and more) and plant allies can be one of the many supports in your web of care.
When we feel stuck and weighed down by grief, herbs can offer gentle support for the heart, nervous system, and spirit. In this article, I’ll offer a few herbs that can be powerful companions as you navigate the grieving process: helping you stay grounded, nourished, and connected.
When We Suppress Grief
At age 16, I lost my dear Grandma Elle, who died after a long battle with lung cancer. I loved her fiercely, and she brought so much magic into my life. Grandma Elle was one of my first herb teachers. We’d make tea together and forage for berries. She’d point out mushroom rings and tell me stories of the fairies who danced there under the full moon. When the limbs of the black walnut tree in our yard scratched against our kitchen windows, she’d tell me this was just the tree saying hi to me.
When she passed, I couldn’t cry. My body didn’t want to feel the grief of this profound loss, and I figured I could somehow outrun her death. So I buried the grief deep within me, praying I would never be confronted with the pain of her passing. Years flew by, and I felt her loss harden in my heart like a big block of ice: the block was heavy and numb but at least it didn’t hurt—or so I thought.
Thawing Out the Grief
Fast forward to early 2020, and as the pandemic brought loss into the forefront of our collective consciousness, I suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about Grandma Elle. I dreamt of her often and I was constantly reminded of her in my daily activities: the way she ate breakfast, the way she drank her tea, the way she brushed her hair.
The memories poured through me, melting the ice in my chest until I was crying almost every day about the loss of my grandmother. I was amazed at the intensity of the grief: how could I feel this much grief years later? I logically knew that this was the stored grief finally expressing after years of suppression, but the bigness of it still amazed me.
So I gave myself a gift I couldn’t afford at age 16: I made intentional space for the grief and cultivated a web of support for myself. I shared stories about my grandmother with friends, I made offerings in honor of her at the ocean, I processed the grief in therapy, and I called on my dear plant allies for support.
The vastness of grief requires a big web of care, and herbs are one beautiful part of this web. This web of care helped me honor the life of my grandmother by properly grieving her, and this healing process gave me the opportunity to live more fully in my heart and body.
Herbs for Grief
Below I have put together a list of some of the herbal allies I worked with as I grieved my grandmother. These are the same herbal allies I am currently working with as I process the profound loss of our LearningHerbs co-founder, John Gallagher. These plants have been an anchor for me as I move with the grief, and the LearningHerbs team honors John’s incredible legacy by continuing to offer accessible and empowering herbal information for our community.
We wanted to share this list of herbal support for grief with you because we know that in addition to this heartbreaking loss in our community, we are all living in big times right now: with major political upheaval, ecological devastation, and whatever other losses may arise in your immediate circle.
All of this loss at once can feel incredibly overwhelming. And the plants, among other support systems in your life, are here to help.
So let’s dive into 5 herbs for grief…
Rose (Rosa spp.)
Just one look at a rose in full bloom is enough to gladden the heart. These brilliant aromatic flowers are known for softening and holding our hearts in times of heartache. With their sharp thorns, rose is also a fantastic ally for holding an energetic boundary/container for us to be in our grief. Rose calms and uplifts the nervous system, and herbalist David Winston famously pairs rose with hawthorn leaves and mimosa bark for a grief formula. Some of my favorite ways to work with rose include drinking rose tea with rose honey and massaging rose-infused oil onto my heart center.
Hawthorn (Crataegus spp.)
Hawthorn is a cardiotonic and relaxing nervine that can nourish the physical and emotional heart. Hawthorn leaf, flower, and berry is one of my go-to herbs for anxiety and grief. When I feel heaviness in my heart, I reach for a hawthorn tea or cordial and immediately feel my chest soften. If I have hawthorn jam, I also love eating it by the spoonful to bolster my heart. Just like rose, hawthorn also has thorns and is known for being protective: hawthorn can help hold the energetic container for us to feel and move with our grief.
Linden (Tilia spp.)
With its heart-shaped leaves, linden is a classic ally for the physical and emotional heart. Linden calms the nervous system and is especially indicated when there is stress accompanied with muscular tension and trouble sleeping. I have recently been drinking linden tea at night to help me sleep as I navigate the grief. Linden’s softening quality can also help tend the emotional heart: sometimes we create an armor around our hearts to protect ourselves. Linden teaches us that it’s okay to soften that armor, and it helps calm our nervous systems so we can be more present with the grief. The linden tree has also been a sacred meeting place in many traditions for community councils and gatherings, and linden can help us courageously be with our grief in community. When I work with linden, I enjoy it in tea or honey form.
Lemon Balm (Melissa officinalis)
Lemon balm is a relaxing nervine that also has an uplifting quality for the emotional body. This gentle, aromatic herb can offer some sweetness when we’re feeling the heaviness of our grief. Call on lemon balm to gladden the heart and bring comfort and nourishment as we move with the waves of grief. Lemon balm is especially powerful when it’s prepared fresh: in teas, ice cubes, honeys, and more.
St. John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum)
St. John’s wort is an uplifting nervine that nourishes the nervous system and can uplift mood. St. John’s wort can also help ease physical pain. This plant has many contraindications when taken internally (because it interacts with so many medications and can cause photosensitivity in some individuals), so my favorite way to work with St. John’s wort is topically. Massaging an infused St. John’s wort oil on my skin feels incredibly relaxing, uplifting, and protective. When I massage the oil into my skin, it also becomes a grounding ritual to bring me back into my body when my grief makes me feel like I’m floating.
Please note, even topically, St. John’s wort can cause photosensitivity in some individuals. Avoid tanning beds while working with St. John’s wort, and avoid using St. John’s wort if you’re taking photosensitizing drugs. You can read more about St. John’s wort’s contraindications in the St. John’s Wort Plant Profile.
The Waves of Grief
Grief is an incredibly natural, human experience. There is no quick “fix” for grief, but there are many ways we can resource and support ourselves and each other as we navigate the waves of grief. Herbs are one tool you can include in your web of care amidst drawing on community support, therapy, movement practices, breathwork, and more. It is an honor to be part of the LearningHerbs team and offer you this resource on herbs for grief.
Please be so gentle and kind with yourself as you navigate your grief. You are absolutely precious, and I’m so grateful that you are part of the LearningHerbs community.
If You are Struggling
If you or someone you know is struggling, please know that you are not alone. Support is available, and there are many resources that may help. Two of these resources include the following: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the US: with phone number 988 or url 988lifeline.org . You can text the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME h-o-m-e to 741741.
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